I
have never thought myself as a violent person. In the past, I have had major
anger issues and today, even though most of my anger has dissipated, I still
battle with the shadows of anger. Lately,
I realized how easy it is for people like me, who deal with anger, to resort to
violence in their relationship to pass a point across. Certainly, there is no
justification for violence. We all feel anger, but how do we ensure that anger
doesn’t boil over to violence?
Cultivate Consciousness
What
happens before you become violent? What irks you and pushes you to want to hit
or become aggressive towards your partner? Identify those things that cause you
to be so angry that you feel violence is the best way to communicating your
point. When you are in an argument with your partner, you will be able to
consciously control your reaction. Being conscious is about being aware of
reactions. Violence usually occurs when we are unaware of our response to a
situation.
Shut Up
When
you are in an argument with your partner and you feel the urge to strike at him
building up, just shut up. Keeping quiet can have a calming effect and can give
you some clarity before you take to violence. Again, you have to be conscious
to feel the emotions of anger, resentment, and fear building up in you. When
you feel these things, get yourself to shut up.
Walk Away
If
the argument you are in with your partner does not seem to head anywhere
amicable, you best bet is to walk away from that situation. Walking away allows
you to take some time out to cool off and gain clarity. Walking away allows
both of you enough time to think about the situation you are faced with.
I
am learning that anger can get in the way of your happiness. However, you can
take small, conscious and deliberate steps to manage it so it does not affect
your relationships negatively.
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