Time and time again people have asked me what I really want in a man. Men have over the ages claimed that they do not know what we really want. There comes a time in a woman's life when she ceases to look for the physical attributes of a man and searches deeper into his soul. Women crave a man who can look beyond their physique, beyond the curves and see the beauty that lies inside. Every man should learn that for women, it is not always about sex, that sometimes we just like to be held and assured that everything will be al-right without any sinister motives. Women crave attention. Women want men who will let their guards down, swallow their egos and show them how much they are loved, tell them how beautiful they look. This is where the true test comes in. True beauty has nothing to do with sexual appeal, true compliments should not always be about the physical. We crave deep friendship and a soul to confide in. We crave men who gaze deep into our eyes and tell us that we are incredible. Focus on building up our trust, little by little.
Whenever we are angry or sad, simply be there for us. Be a constant presence that does not implode, that does not bother. Rather listen to our deepest feelings and fears. Women long for a man who can be there for them at their worst, love them even while they are wearing a torn shirt, glow in their beauty when they have just woken up and there is zero make-up on their skin. When there is some toxic silence hovering over us, that is when we need you the most. It is not often when we are clearly angry and screaming that we are hurting the most. Our silence speaks well more than a double edged spear. Our thoughts can travel to the ends of the world when we are silent. We could say that we are okay, but we are never really fine when we are silent. Learn to know the difference. Simply hold her when that silent cloud hangs over her. When she tries to walk away angry, give her a hug and let her know how much she means to you. It may never seem manly to tell her how good she makes you feel in front of your friends, but it does go a long way. Do not expect to be treated like a king if you won't treat her like a queen.
The only thing a woman ever really asks for before she says “I do” is the security that her man will always be by her side, that his love will shelter her from the storms of life, and that it will last a lifetime. That is security, that is what most of us long for, unless men have been looking in the wrong direction. We flourish in the presence of inspirational men; men who support us and inspire us to be our best in our careers, once again putting their own egos and issues aside. Men who look up at us and say, “Wow, I am proud of her.” Men who tell their women, “Go ahead honey, let your fire become my flame.” Sometimes it pays to let the woman shine, to let her be the centre of your world, to be prepared to defend her from the pressures and poking eyes of life. It is good to be appreciative of the effort she makes. None of us is perfect. Love her beyond her flaws. Hold her close no matter the imperfections. Be ambitious enough to give her something in you to be proud about. Dream beyond this world, do not just sit at the same spot year in year out and expect her to still have stars in her eyes for you.
I have simply always searched for that deep love that transcends the physical. I have always longed to be placed at the centre of someone’s universe, to be held close no matter my flaws. To be reminded that I am special, honoured and cherished. I have always longed to be assured that somewhere in this world, someone is praying for my happiness, that I contribute to the smile across someone's face, and that without me in their world, their days would be dark and cold. Simply put, I want a man who can look deep into my soul and see the possibilities that lie within. I want a man who will reach for the good in me, smooth away the flaws, and bless me with true love. Isn't that all every good natured, mature woman ever asks for?
Written by Maureen Songa
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