FINDING PERFECT LOVE IN IMPERFECT RELATIONSHIPS

I came across an interesting Japanese philosophy known as Wabi Sabi - yes, it is a serious philosophy with a funny sounding name. Wabi Sabi is an outlook that embraces impermanence and imperfection. Wabi Sabi is founded on the concepts of irregularity rather than regularity, asymmetry rather than symmetry, simplicity rather than complexity, modesty rather than pride.

I thought to myself, 'Is it possible to apply the concept of Wabi Sabi in relationships, which are often very imperfect?' You see, when you first start dating someone, they are perfect in your eyes, well, at least close to perfect. The little things they do are very endearing and cute and you love them for these idiosyncrasies. As the relationship progresses, you don't mind spending some time apart and you are not particularly enthralled by your partner's little behaviors. When most relationship mature, say after a year or so, the little habits that you found so endearing in your parter start to irk the hell out of you. You start to notice how he is such a messy eater, you start to get disgusted by the attention she gives her silly cats, or the fact that he does not make his bed starts to get under your nerves. Sooner or later, you start to notice all the little imperfections of the other person and you begin to wonder whether your partner is really the "one" for you.

We are all imperfect. Accepting this reality will really help you accept and transcend the imperfections of your partner. So what do you do when the feeling of irritation towards your partner creeps in? Do not entertain the feeling longer than one second. Simple. Observe his messy eating. Accept that he is a messy eater and continue with dinner. And don't forget to laugh while at it. Think about it this way, if you do not want a messy eater, it means that you won't be with this guy that you otherwise love. When the messy eating goes, he goes too. Do you want to break off a relationship just because of the small irking habits? Like him leaving dirty socks everywhere or creating a trail of breadcrumbs after you have just cleaned the house or her needing to entertain pets or kids when she comes across them? I don't think so.

However, Wabi Sabi is not about passively accepting bad behaviors such as violence, infidelity, substance abuse or money mismanagement. It is about accepting those little imperfections that are part of every human being. If you have an abusive partner, someone who cheats on you or refuses to get help for his substance abuse, let me tell you what to accept. Accept that you cannot fix them, and run, run really fast baby! 

THE STRENGTH OF A WORKING MOTHER

The year had just begun. I was having sleepless nights because I had a two month old baby by my side. Things did not seem like they would be looking up in the near future. I had only written a chapter of my dissertation. I still had a long way to go. Having a crying baby by my side was not going to make that journey any easier. I remember three months before I was due, my supervisors had called me in and advised me to defer my studies. They had told me that working with a crying baby was not going to be easy and that I should think about postponing my studies. Tears flowed from the corner of my eye. I did not want to be a disappointment. I wanted to show them that pregnancy was not inability. I decided to stay and fight, rather than flee.

Now here I was, the year was just beginning and I had a thesis barely in its early stages, I had to find a way of going back to do tutorials, and I had to find a way to raise a baby. Being in a foreign country was even a greater hurdle to overcome since you have to pay so much for a nanny. Till this day, I still maintain that it is the Almighty who gave me the grace. At times I would look at the research I was doing and wonder what exactly I was hoping to achieve by studying such difficult things. At times I did not even know what result I was hoping for in the very end. I went back to work even before my baby had been weaned. During the pre-natal days, I stood in class for two hours with swollen feet in the name of doing tutorials. It was the perseverance from within. It was at that point in time that I knew that I could be strong. Everybody advises a mother to sleep while the baby sleeps, but how can you possibly sleep when you have to study, cook, eat, mark scripts, wash, all while baby sleeps for two hours? That is the time I knew that women can dig deep and still give more. That life taught me how to be selfless, how to mine strength even from your weaknesses.

If anybody ever asks me how I finished writing and correcting my thesis, I would probably tell them it was God and my supervisors. Every working mother knows how difficult it is to work with an infant crying by your side. Now picture having an infant, being in school, going to work, and most times not having a nanny. That journey is over and done. Graduation awaits in April, the kind that I might celebrate in absentia. The lessons I learnt during that period in time are forever engraved in my heart. I am here to let every woman know that no situation is too great for you to handle. That when you have reached rock bottom and your strength is fading, the only way is to get back up. That we can dig deeper, that we can achieve if we believe and work towards our goals. The pain that women are capable of withstanding, no man will ever be able to bear. It does not matter where you have been, it does not matter how far you think you need to go before you succeed, all that matters is that little step you make with so much resolve, with so much determination. You will get there, trust me. You will overcome and people around you will stare in awe, just wondering how that damn woman did it. It does not matter whether you have a crying baby by your side, your dreams need not necessarily be pushed aside, you only need to have the spirit, keep the faith, and someday you will run your world.

Written by Maureen Songa

YEAR RESOLUTIONS EVERY WOMAN SHOULD MAKE

Yet another year is gone. We shove aside every mishap that we had over the past year and look forward to a new one with prosperity and success. The only blemish in our otherwise perfect prayer is that we do not realize that this New Year is simply a continuation of the other, that there might not be any real change. Everybody really just hopes for the best, but often when you think that things could not possibly get any worse, that is when they have a habit of going haywire. The women of this world face an even bigger challenge, and instead of all the impossible resolutions that people make and break before the year is even quarter-way, I simply think such are the ones that women should have for keeps. 

• Love less when it hurts. Women should no longer accept to be treated like trash and get trampled upon. If it does not make you happy, I think you should walk away no matter how painful. This is the one resolution I intend to keep, weird as it may sound. I will love less in 2013. I will not go in with eyes closed. I will care about friends who truly care about me. I will not stay just to soothe egos. Women sometimes get in too deep. I have been guilty of that sin, but now I want to repent and be as clean as new.

• Live more. Do not close yourself in. Get out there and have some beautiful fun doing things that you really love. Create time for yourself. I want to live more. I want to bloom. I want to have that beautiful smile once again. I want to embrace every inch of me, weaknesses included. I simply want to be me. I want to make myself happy because I have discovered that nobody else under the heavens can and ever will if I do not.

• Pray. That simple word so strong, which is the only thing that utterly brings serenity. I am urging every woman to try it, yet personally, I have been so out of touch with prayer. However, whenever I get right down to it and I begin analyzing when the rain begun hitting me so hard, one thing is forever clear to me. I stopped praying. I stopped attending church. I stopped whispering to God because I felt He had disappointed me. I got out of touch with the spiritual part of me. Well, I still know there is power in prayer, and perhaps that is all I will need along this bumpy road. If you are in the spiritual state I happen to be in; if you feel that you have been so down the pit and the only choice you have is to get back up; if you feel that the Almighty is the one part of you that you have pushed aside, then get back up! He will pick up the pieces. He will be there with His arms wide open, just waiting.

• In every corner of this planet there is always a woman too discouraged to even get up in the morning. The girl child sometimes suffers from neglect and lack of inspiration from those like us, who have learnt a lesson here and there. I think every year, every woman should put it in the diary of her mind and heart that she wants to touch a young life; that she wants to water and nurture the upcoming generation; that with a story of having succeeded from humble beginnings someone else will also get encouraged. We lack true role models in today's society. My contribution towards this cause has been long overdue, and this year, so help me God, I would like to live up to my dream.

• Live in solitude for a while. Social media has taken over our lives. We have ceased to see the peace in nature and quiet. A day without a cellphone seems like a day spent in the intensive care unit. Sometimes it is just good to feel the quiet, to get in touch with the awesomeness of God's creation. To let go of all the noise of modern life and just listen to that inner voice that revives our dreams and gives us a greater resolve to work harder. The thought of deactivating my accounts always sounds devastating and sad, but I hope that during this year, I will try it, at least even for a month.

• Eat well, get back in shape, nothing excruciating, no extreme diets, but every woman needs to resolve to taking better care of herself just for herself. Dress to impress yourself, feel good about yourself. Walk with the confidence of a queen. In my heart I know I need to get rid of all this extra love handle and baby fat, lazy as I am. I do not know how, or when, but well, if it appears among my 2013 “to do” list, I can only hope I will accomplish it within the next three years. Years come and go. Seasons keep changing. Life gets harder, but it is the little joys of life that keep us going. Find your joy, find your smile, discover your beauty spot and hold on to it. Do not let anybody treat you as trash. Treat yourself like a queen and the rest will treat you like royalty. Work towards achievable goals. Live more, love less when it hurts, Inspire, find the happiness from within. I wish all my ladies a prosperous new year. May it be to you, a glorious journey.

Written by Maureen Songa

Natural Hair Movement

My name is Cynthia, and I have been natural for 8 years now. However, it was not until recently that I understood my hair. Over the years I became a hair product junkie because when I first went natural a lot of products were still geared towards those with a relaxer.  I remember when I went to the store there was a “black aisle” with perm products and another aisle for those with naturally straight hair. Nowadays, there are products for those who are natural which is great but you still need to be weary of what you put into your hair.

 I am now at that point where I don’t collect as much products from the store because I know what works for my hair. Every now and then I may feel the itch to buy something but I need to look at the ingredients. I do not use any silicones in my hair. The reason I do this is because I follow the curly girl method also known as the CG method. You do not have to be natural to follow this method. The owner of Devacurls created this method and it works for all sorts of hair types. I will briefly discuss this method.

The curly girl method includes a no shampoo rule with the use of your fingers to detangle your hair. I have to say that was a challenge for me. When I first started the curly girl method, I created a huge knot in my hair trying to detangle my hair. I was pissed off and would not be surprised if I muttered a few cuss words to myself. I have to say that the finger detangling does require a lot of practice but it does get the job done. I also use conditioner as a styling agent.

A lot of people do look at me sideways when I explain that I do not use shampoo to cleanse my hair and scalp. When you first start the method you should use shampoo to remove all the buildup and oils from other products but since you will not be using products with oils or silicone you won’t need something as harsh as shampoo to cleanse your scalp.

         An important note about shampoos -When you look at the ingredients in  a shampoo bottle the ingredients are not that different from what we use to wash dishes. That in itself caused me look at more natural cleansing agents for instance Apple cider vinegar also known as ACV rinse in the natural community. Apple Cider vinegar is a natural product whose acidity level is close to that of natural hair and is an effective germ killer. It can also help with hair loss.

I cleanse my hair with diluted apple cider vinegar to remove any buildup and it leaves me scalp clean and my hair feeling soft and conditioned. By the way the smell does go way after rinsing.  Another benefit of using the ACV rinse is that it saves me money, a bottle of ACV can last me about 6months. I keep a liter batch in my shower. Here is the recipe.

ACV Rinse

·         ACV 1/3 of a cup of ACV - I use Bragg raw unfiltered

·         The rest of the bottle can be filled with warm tap water.

Written by Cynthia Kavanagh

The Science of Hair

Can women of color grow long hair?

Yes, we can!  The rate of growth rate is dependent on genetics, and environment. There was a respected article a few years back that stated that African American’s hair grow at a slow rate in comparison to Caucasians. Nevertheless there are women of color with long beautiful hair. There are thousands of images of women online with waist length hair and hair that reaches their tailbone.

In fact it is important to understand that we need to take of our inner self to grow long healthy hair. Do you still not believe me?

Normal hair growth is about half an inch to an inch per month. Therefore it is possible to grow 6 inches of hair in a year!  A lot of the time women of color will not see this growth if they believe “trimming contributes to faster growth”. Trimming does not do this it only helps remove damage ends thus allowing to attain longer length. The day I decided to stop trimming was one of the best things I could do for my hair. In fact I did not trim my hair for over a year. My hair was healthy and did not need  frequent trimming. One thing that I do is dusting. I dust my ends, which means when I have the time I will look through my hair for split end and snip them.  This is a tedious process and I do not finish this in one sitting. I look through one section of hair for split ends then will look at another section the next day. This maintains your healthy ends but allows you to hold on to your growth.

Diet can also contribute to hair growth or it can turn hair brittle thus an imbalanced diet will reflect in your hair. Please keep this in mind.

One plant that works well for inside your body and on your hair is Aloe Vera.  I purchase a liter of Aloe Vera juice from iherb.com. I also grow an Aloe Vera plant just in case money is a little tight that month.

 Aloe Vera can do the following for your hair

• Promote hair growth
• Reduce dandruff
• Reduces Frizz 

Aloe Vera and the body

• Can be used to treat acne
• Help with burns
• Can be used as a laxative
• Helps with heartburn & indigestion
• Supports your immune system.

  Written by Cynthia Kavanagh

Clothing Color Tips:

How to properly wear bright, bold colors 

First and foremost, your confidence is what allows you to wear the clothing you most prefer. If you’re afraid to move out the same boring shades, you can take a chance with these tips. Tips on properly wearing bright and bold colors include taking a chance, pairing it with a complementary piece, and take care not to go overboard on the color matching.

Be daring. Do not wear black every day.  Often it becomes a source of comfort, as it is known to be slimming. It is also known to drown out your natural colors. Black is okay, try enhancing it with a bold or bright color. Pink, red, orange, blue, purple, green, or yellow, it’s up to you to decide what you feel most comfortable in. Wearing bright colors in self-assurance will help to keep your look sharp. Wear colors you like and be happy how you look in them. Grab that inordinate shade, if it catches your eye. Look for unique patterns without going overboard. Variation is important which is why accessories can make or break an outfit.

Search for accessories to match bold and bright colored outfits. For example, when wearing a bold patterned dress, simple shoes in a solid color balance it. It doesn’t over do it. Overdoing your look occurs if your entire wardrobe looks like it could all just be one large outfit. Each piece of your ensemble should speak for itself and not be confused with the other parts. Take a black and white dress and pair it with a bright bold solid pink cardigan. Let this introduce you to wearing bright colors and build your confidence, again, the key to wearing such shades.

Take care not to wear a bright orange dress, with a bright orange cardigan, with matching orange shoes and a handbag. This will look over done. Style should seem comfortable, not forced. As exciting as it may be to find each piece of your ensemble in the same shade, don’t fall for it. Grab your favorite pieces and enhance them with either complementary shades or with neutrals or basics.

Remember that if you choose two bright colors such as orange and yellow, one of the colors should be less bold. The colors need a slight contrast and do not wear two primary colors in very bright shades. This may blind onlookers. Tips to remember when selecting bold bright colors to wear are match colors sensibly, pair with complementary accessories, and take a chance in colors that strike you.

How to work the color block trend – rules and tips

• To nail this fashion trend perfectly, invest in garment pieces that are complimentary to your natural colors, e.g.: hair color, skin tone and eye color.

• Get the color combinations right – acceptable combinations are as follows: White with any block bold color, Black with any block bold color and any of the contrasting colors from the following palette – Red, Pink, Orange, Blue, Green, Yellow, Purple, Coral, Turquoise and Lime.

·         For a less intense approach go for an item of clothing in bold bright stripes.

·         Pair colored jeans with a plain sweatshirt or t-shirt.

·         Add a pop of color to blue; black or white jeans by adding a bright colored silk top or blouse.

·         Opt for a bright colored skirt or trouser suit with a plain white or black t-shirt.

·         Accessories are a great way of adopting this look more subtly so go for bright colored bags and shoes or accessories which have a color block pattern or concept.

·         Switch your normal LBD for a LCD (little colored dress) in a bold statement color from the palette above.

·         Full length flowing skirts are another spring must have, so pair one in a bright color with a plain white t-shirt.

·         Pale colors and pastel tones are good but will look too washed out on most people regardless of how much they may clash. This look is about not being afraid to make a statement with your use of color and clothes so embrace it.

·         Don’t be afraid if you think some of the colors will clash or not work together – the whole point of this look is to be bold and beautiful!

Look out for our ‘Gotta Have It’ alerts for this month’s best pick of items to hit the high street based on recent fashion trends and the advice from DoJan CliqueCollection and other Shopping experts.

Also don’t forget that if you need more help and support with your personal style contact DoJan Clique Collection.

TRADITIONAL CORN BREAD

If you love trying new things, you will have to try this corn bread. I never imagined I could bake with unga ya ugali because it is usually gluten free. Gluten proteins in wheat flour makes the dough elastic and stretchy, and trap gas within baked goods, providing a light, airy structure. This recipe combines all-purpose flour and maize meal to create structure. There are several variations of corn bread. It is a common bread baked in the south of the United States and is usually eaten with Chili and other stews.

Maize meal is rich in dietary fiber, rich in protein, vitamin B6, magnesium and omega 6 oils. In some parts of the world, maize meal is used for the eradication of malnutrition. Maize meal is also referred to as white corn meal in the United States.

Ingredients

1 cup maize meal

1 cup all-purpose flour

¼ cup sugar

1 teaspoon salt

3 teaspoons baking powder

¼ cup oil

1 cup milk

1 egg, beaten

Method

Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Combine maize meal, all-purpose flour, sugar, baking powder and salt in a bowl. Mix oil, egg and milk together and add to dry ingredients, mixing until batter is uniform. Bake in a greased 9”x9”x2” pan for 20-25 minutes.

ARE YOU ADDICTED TO AN IMPOSSIBLE RELATIONSHIP?

The bad things feel so good- like a one night stand, like a bucket full of ice cream, like Kentucky Fried chicken, like…an impossible guy or gal. Addiction to a relationship is as detrimental as any other type of addiction be it gambling, spending, over-eating or alcoholism. It can be a never-ending cycle of affirmations, resolutions, denial and failed attempts. An impossible relationship is one that feels great at first when you are euphoric and hopeful but turns into a sour mind-game with someone who is emotionally unavailable.

When you are addicted to an impossible person, there is often an underlying psychological need that you are seeking to fill yourself. Often, you are looking for needy people whose world you can fix, even when it is un-fixable. Here’s what I observe all the time about people who are attached to needy people or who cling on to impossible relationships:

Wanting to fix the other person- You keep getting into relationships with guys or girls who have their own addictions. They are addicted to sex, to alcohol, to drugs, to money problems, to lying, to eating; and you are addicted to wanting to solve their addiction. Their need becomes your need and you are two needy people who are not in it for love, but for a negative vibe of dependency and manipulation.

Drawn to emotionally unavailable people- An emotionally unavailable person will frustrate the hell out of anyone. We get into relationships because we have emotional, physical and spiritual longing for completion. When you keep wanting people who can only fulfill you physically but are detached from you emotionally, those who tell you “no strings attached” then you are addicted to an impossible relationship.

Cannot differentiate between attachment and attraction: Without a doubt, we are attracted to people at the physical level first, even before we know them emotionally. However, this transition from physical attraction to emotional and spiritual connection is so messed up in people who are addicted to relationships that just don’t work. This type of person will become clingy very fast and they will have such high expectations of having a solid relationship in just the first few weeks of dating someone.

Subtle Control- Relationship addicts will somehow be drawn to needy people that they can easily control and manipulate. They will attract people who do not have what they have, for example intellect, money and material possessions. This way, you are able to subtly control the other person by awarding them when they meet your needs and denying them your assistance (money, security, a car ride etc) when they do not play to your tune.

Relationship addiction is often caused by deficits in our childhood; something that we were denied and are looking to fulfill as adults. It might help to look at any voids you may have experienced while growing up- unavailable folks, an unresponsive mum, a critical dad, manipulative parents etc. This might help you to understand your behavior and to slowly move away from drawing impossible people in your love life.

Written by Donna Moses 

THE PAIN OF LOSING A CHILD, BORN OR UNBORN.

The year was 1999. She arrived at her doorstep, disoriented and shattered. Screaming at everyone in sight. Tears flowed from her eyes. She did not seem to recognize anyone standing in her way. She had lost yet another daughter. Yet again she had been outlived by another young soul. Nothing could take away her pain. The realization hit her hard and somehow melted part of her spirit. She later explained to us that this particular loss had been the deepest because this particular daughter had never been blessed with children of her own. She had never lived to experience the joys of being married or even having children. That was what ripped her mother's soul apart.

No one can ever really understand the pain a mother goes through during the loss of a child, born, or unborn. It is such devastation that no one can fathom unless they have tasted its bitterness themselves. Sometime last year, a friend of mine went through such pain, such torture. She had been so anxious to see and hold the baby she had felt move inside her for nine good months. Every mother-to-be goes through such anxiety. They cannot wait for that sweet moment when they get to hold and stroke the tiny little being that they have so loved even before they met. My friend thought that she could get all the help she required from a hospital. Unfortunately the negligence of the doctors and nurses involved dealt her one of the most torturous moments of her entire life. She lost the baby she had held in her womb for over forty weeks.

I still believe that no amount of comforting words can take away the pain of losing a baby, born or unborn. I know many women silently go through miscarriages. I know most suffer that loss and feel as if they have no right to cry or fret simply because they never got to meet that baby. There is always that misconception that you can simply pick up the pieces, dry your tears and be on your way in a day. There is always such a deep bond already created between mother and child, that no matter how much you try to conceal the suffering, it just resides within you, sometimes within inches of exploding. I know there are many women out there who go through a lot, silently, thinking that no one else would understand their scream. I know there are many who go through miscarriages and try to sweep it under the carpet like nothing happened. Allow yourselves to grieve, to feel the pain, to mourn the loss of something that could have been perfect before you pick yourselves up and move on. No woman can ever shed off such an experience in the twinkling of an eye. Whether the miscarriage is self-inflicted or because of medical reasons, a loss still remains a loss. I do know that there are friends of mine going through these horrible moments, there are those who have suffered the pain of losing a child, born or unborn, and eventual healing is all I ask for them, but first, I do hope they understand that no sane person has a right to judge you for crying your eyes out, screaming a bevy of curses, even pulling a pillow over your head and sleeping nonstop for days. The pain of losing a child, is simply too deep to be forgotten in a day. Eventually the pain dulls down, for women were created stronger than any other beings on the surface of this earth.

Written by Maureen Songa

Letters To My Daughters

One of my passions in life will always be women. I will always crave to impact and change the life of a little girl, to teach them how to dream and reach beyond the stars. In my heart of hearts I always believe that my soul shall soar beyond the heavens, singing a happy rhythm, if only I can touch the hearts of at least eight young girls, if I can only inspire them to visualize the realities that await beyond village life, and suffering, and poverty. Call me sexist, but this is for all the women, the epitome of strength and wisdom, those who at one point in time, have rubbed their shoulders with mine, and left an enduring sense of inspiration.

• You are woman. You are priceless. You possess strength within every fiber of your being. You are stronger than you think you are. When you are filled with doubt and your energy seems to fail you, just remember that you are woman, the very core of strength. Do not ever let anybody tell you that you cannot achieve. Reach for your goals. Work hard for them. Do not rely on anybody's pity. Some say we are the weaker sex, but what they do not realize is that there is a lot of strength in weakness.

• No man under the skies is worth pulling another woman's hair over. You do not need to hurl insults at another woman simply because you are fighting over a man. I believe us ladies are capable of stopping the scourge of the other woman. At no point in time, will a married man ever really leave his family for a sexy younger lady, not wholly anyway. I see women going on about how they still allow the married men to take care of their families and I silently wonder what happened to the strong women I so admired. No woman, no child should ever have to scramble for the attention of their father. No legitimate family should ever have to go without food simply because the man of that house decided to go buy Kentucky Fried Chicken for some other woman.

• Sometimes love will hurt. Most times men will trample your heart. Buckets of tears will flow from your eyes. But eventually there will come a day when you will wake up and forget that you ever hurt that bad. In the end you will learn to move on to greater things. The ache will get easier with time. Greater men will come along, and you will wonder what you ever saw in your ex. The only thing that you will require is the will to love yourself enough to let go. Never ever stay in an abusive environment, for abuse will never be an event that occurs once and can be hidden away by the gift giving process. I long ago learnt, that domestic violence is a process, a chain of events that sways into a relationship slowly, something that begins with only a single slap, and the more you forgive, the deeper it becomes engraved in the heart of the relationship. Love yourself well enough to let go. Never be afraid to start over again. Do not ever be too scared of lonely to leave when you are hurting.

• Education is the husband that will never cheat on you, beat you up or leave you for a hot younger woman. Enough said.

• You are beautiful. You were born a queen. Look at the beauty that comes from inside. Do not let yourselves be defined by societal standards and demands. Make sure you feel comfortable in your own skin. Dress your age. Dress to feel gorgeous. Put on something sexy on the inside that only you know about. Be confident. Do not be ashamed of putting on a beautiful weave when you are the one who bought it.

• The grace of God is most sufficient when you feel like you have hit rock bottom, when you are too ashamed to utter a word of prayer, when you just want to hide from the world. You do not need to pray out loud, you do not need a page full of words, all you need is a whisper, a tear. He will understand. Sometimes I wish I could listen to this advice.

• Sometimes in this life you will find yourself doing shameful things, things scornful to the society. You might find yourself captured by sinful bonds. You might find yourself dating men you are ashamed to walk with in daylight. You might find your plate full of regrets. Always remember that when you finally find your bearing, all you need to do is to forgive yourself. Forgive YOURSELF. That is all that matters. Everything else is black and white, sinking sand.

• Do not let your childhood background define the heights your success can reach. You can change all that. Dreams do come true, even those that are dreamt while learning under a tree. You can be the best that God intended you to be. Humble beginnings can only provide you the bearing you require to unleash the most phenomenal part of your being. It does not matter how your past has been. It does not matter whether you were the kind of child who climbed a guava tree for lunch simply because you had no food at home. You could be the one whose mother had to toil, breaking her back, even having to sell local brew simply to put you through school. However, that could change, it only requires the will, the desire and the spirit to analyze your aspirations beyond what the naked eye can recognize.

• If you are blessed with girlfriends who truly care about you, hold them tight, cherish them. Such are scarce. Do not ever make the mistake of throwing them to the gutter simply because you got married, or you got children, or you pursued a different career. Women need each other. We need each other's hugs. Be happy for the achievements of your girlfriends. Support them in their pursuits. You too will be blessed.

 My dear daughters, I have lived in the presence of some of the most inspiring women of all. They taught me to walk this world with dignity. Head held up high. They taught me that wearing trousers is not a pre-requisite for being a mathematician, or an engineer, or a doctor. They showed me the sacrifices they would endure just to see me smile. They showed me the path to a brighter future, they lit my candle. I too, can only hope to pass over the mantle. For the love I feel inside, the passion that feels me each time I think of all the knowledge I can pass on to you, runs deeper than any still waters. By all means walk tall, be independent enough to stand on your own two feet. For those long luscious legs, that lovely smile, could only have been born of a priceless queen.

Written by Maureen Songa

Love your lower body!

Flatten your belly, slim your thighs, and firm your butt in 2 weeks – without a single sit-up or squat.

Lie on back with butt against wall, arms at sides, knees bent, and feet planted up the wall. Exhale and peel lower and mid back off floor, keeping shoulder blades down, so body forms a nearly straight line from chest to knees. Hold for a deep inhale, then exhale and slowly roll back down. 

MAKE IT HARDER

Cross right ankle over the left knee so only left foot is on wall, then roll up, pause, and lower. Do the full number of reps, then switch feet.

MAKE IT EASIER

Don't use the wall. Keep feet flat on floor as you lift into a bridge; pause and slowly lower.

Main Move: Windshield Wipers: (tones inner and outer thighs)

From Wall Bridge starting position, extend legs straight up against wall so body forms an L. Inhale and slowly lower left leg down wall like a clock arm toward 9 o'clock; exhale and return to start. Repeat with right leg, sweeping toward 3 o'clock. Continue to alternate legs until you've completed all reps.

MAKE IT HARDER:

Wrap an exercise band around left foot and hold ends beside opposite hip for added resistance as you sweep left foot down wall. Do all reps, then switch legs and repeat.

MAKE IT EASIER: 

Move 3 to 6 inches away from the wall so torso and legs form a wider angle.

To check out a video: (CLICK HERE)

How to do it: 

Perform the routine barefoot 4 or 5 times a week. Do 10 slow, controlled reps of each move. Start with the Main Move. If that's too difficult, do the Make it Easier variation. Not challenging enough? Try the Make it Harder version.

For faster results: 

Do 2 sets of each exercise and add 30 minutes or more of cardio most days of the week.

Easy Makeup Tips for Women of Color:

1). Face:

• Avoid makeup that is too light, as it can make skin look chalky.
• Yellow based foundations work best for women with darker skin.
• The goal is to see the makeup blend in after applying it on your skin, with no visible boundary between. Test foundation colors in natural light - if you have trouble finding the right color, try mixing two shades (one darker than your natural color and one lighter).
• When searching for blush or bronzer, brown and copper complement African skin tones. Blush shades reds, pinks, or burgundy make up can be applied too.
• A touch of shimmer will highlight cheekbones nicely.
• If you have a wide nose, slimming can be accomplished by shading both sides with a darker tone make up.
• If you have thick eyebrows, you can easily narrow them simply by brushing "just enough" shading along the upper and lower edges to trim the up neatly.

2). Lips:

• There are great shades of lip make up for African American women: dark plums, mocha, chocolates, burgundies and deep berry shades. Soft pinks are pretty too. Generally earth tones, neutrals instantly add glam to lips.
•  For a more natural look, dab on some lip-gloss. Choose a lip liner that is close to the shade of your lip-gloss or lipstick to avoid a dark outline.

N/B: It is recommended for colored women to avoid orange shades of lip gloss make up. For most black women yellow undertones clash on dark skin and give a washed out looking appearance.

3). Eyes:

• Shimmery and metallic eye shadows can look amazing against colored skin.
• You can also accentuate the eyes using dark brown, copper, beiges, prunes and burgundies make up. 
• Mixing two complimentary colors like gold and purple can boost the drama factor.
• The darker your skin, the brighter the colors you can pull off.
• Accentuate eyes with brown or black eyeliner.
• Black mascara will make eyelashes stand out.
• Using a light brushing of loose, translucent make up powder over the top eyelid will illuminate your eyes for evening glamour. For extra pizzazz, try false eyelashes.

N/B: However, light powdery colors and iridescent colors that cover the whole eyelid should be avoided.

DoJan Clique Collection

The brains behind the Collection are Dorothy Moraa Osoro and Janet Nyaboke Osoro. Every business has a remarkable story behind its success and therefore ours started off from an Idea in particular me; Dorothy, from a dream. The execution of the dream was realized when I had a pep talk with my sister as she had an aptitude sense of fashion like me. The recession and high unemployment rate that hit the world made it possible for us to use our talents in the clothing industry. We began this journey with only 15,000 and focused on dressing women, offering them exquisite bags and enticing our men to have a fashionable sense in their closet in essence creating a statement in casual wear. I have to be honest to all who are interested in running a business it’s all about passion, patience, hard work and determination, enough financial resources, support and best of all persistence DON’T GIVE UP. We couldn’t have been where we are today without the help of very close friends who pitched in additional resources for the running of our business because of the high demand at that particular time.

Analogous to the above, DoJan Clique Collection is an upcoming woman’s handbags, clothing and men’s accessories enterprise. Clique which means "the clique" or "circle of sisters" in Kenya, which defines the collection and its essence of inclusion. DoJan Clique Collection selections and exclusive personal style services, which include a detailed Style Assessment, will ensure that our customers are well equipped. DoJan Clique Collection is a woman-owned business currently organized as a Partnership. It’s a growing trade and we are determined to sustain ourselves by understanding our customers’ desires and provide full satisfaction. Actually it was adapt or quit trying and we are in it to bless people’s lives.

DoJan will in the future carry Ready-to-Wear (RTW) designer and casual/contemporary apparel & accessories for women and men, and will be the exclusive Kenyan home of the various collections from different countries including Thailand, Italy, China, Turkey and Dubai. In addition to the fabulous women collection, we will feature other choice selections by American and European designers for both women and men. DoJan will also provide services such as Style Assessments, alterations, personal shopping, and special ordering to customers during store hours and by personal appointment. DoJan innovative Style Assessments and educational emphasis in helping women and men develop their personal styles will enhance our reputation as a truly unique entity.

We have been aware of the various economic forces that affect apparel retailers. Consumer confidence is the most important; people don't shop when they are not feeling good. Unemployment also has an effect, in that fewer women out in the workforce means less disposable income for high-end quality clothing. Fortunately, the luxury goods market, of which DoJan is a part due to the high-end brands it will carry, will remain recession-proof, as clearly indicated by the successful 2012 testing periods “Fashion is a requirement for those who are high in their success.

The overall brand personality of DoJan aspires to be fashionable, customer-oriented, innovative, refreshing, stylish and educational. DoJan will be a fundamental collection where both women and men can transform themselves with Trendy Handbags and Beautiful clothes and take advantage of the Style Assessment and other services that would help them determine the right clothes for their unique selves.

BRAND PERSONALITY

Innovative | Stylish | Contemporary | Modern | Fresh | Approachable | Elegant

DoJan is currently located at Greenfields Hse no 2567, but we will unveil a permanent secure area accessible to most customers in a few months’ time. This will provide customers access to our services on a daily basis excluding Sundays. We will also introduce and enhance personal shopping appointments.

To our main objectives:

Let's face it most women feel carrying the right handbag is the quickest way one can make a fashion statement. For many women it’s all about who they are... “I have arrived, please take notice"... A great designer bag can, and does scream, "Hey look at me, and who I am carrying on my shoulder"...

What is your signature style? This will determine your preference and in essence help our collection meet our customers’ expectation. Validate where you belong;

1. Classic - I like classic styles that will always look the part
2. Fashionable - I like modern styles that are up to date with trends
3. Evening - I like small, sophisticated bags to use at night
4. Practical - I like handbags with enough room to hold and organize my essentials
5. Different - I like something different to, or including all of the above

From feedback we will receive from you the consumer; and as such our main focus on leather bags wouldn’t it save you a lot of heartache to at least know how to take care of your trendy handbags?

Here are 5 top tips for keeping your leather bag in best condition...

1. Do NOT pull loose threads. This is the worst thing you can do! Simply burn the loose thread instead.
2. Keep it away from the rain. We know this can be hard so if it happens, just wipe away excess moisture and leave it to dry naturally. For quick results stuff it with newspaper to help soak up the water!
3. Rub candle wax on the zip. This is a great tip if the zip on your bag gets a little stiff, trust us it really works!
4. Keep it in a cool dry place away from heat. If you are using your bag on a hot summer's day this can be virtually impossible, however use common sense! Keep it away from any direct sunlight or heat source. Heat can actually cook the hide and cause it to stiffen; the fibres un-mesh and it can crack.
5. Do NOT keep it in a plastic bag. This encourages the growth of mildew and can completely ruin your leather bag!

 Simple Fashion Tips for Women

There is never a better time than the start of the New Year to create a brand new you. The first important step is to detox your wardrobe, clearing out those outfits which do not make you feel good. The second is to learn what cuts and colors work best for you and the basic style rules of women's fashion. (Gill Hart)

1. Forget about the word “fashion” and think “style”.
2. Even if you stay at home, make an effort to dress everyday as if you are going out. This changes your whole approach to even the most mundane household chores. You will find you have a more positive attitude and are less inclined to be reduced to a couch potato, in your slovenly sweat pants and baggy T-shirt.
3. Clear Your Closet; Get rid of those items which are outdated, do not suit you or simply do not make you feel good. Make room for that new wardrobe of clothes that you are going to build, slowly, piece by piece.
4. Take stock of how many classic items you currently have in your closet. Start building new outfits which will prove versatile and timeless – go anywhere and do anything.

5. Treat your wardrobe as an investment. "Create a closet that is full of must-have pieces rather than make-do ones.
6. Ensure that your wardrobe is built around some style staples which will take you from season to season and can be dressed up or down. A good coat, a little black dress, a wrap dress, well cut denims, a classic pair of black pants, cashmere cardigan and a stylish crisp white shirt. Update these looks every season with some fabulous accessories.
7. Get to know your body shape.
8. Learn how to play down your flaws and make the most of your assets. Learn how to disguise big hips, stomachs or a larger bust and learn what not to wear if you are short or flat-chested.
9. Shop smarter. Ask yourself a few key questions regarding what suits you before you shop and plan what to buy in advance.

Here are Quick Fashion tips that our Women can carve up to our Men (Remember we also need to clinch to men):

1. Fit is King – The most dramatic improvement you can make in your style is to make sure everything fits impeccably. Most guys wear clothes that are too large. Make sure everything you wear is almost hugging the shape of your body – without being tight. Ill fitting is an epidemic, cure yourself.
2. Keep it simple – You want a wardrobe that looks great on you, but don’t overdo it. Don’t wear more than three pieces of jewelry or more than three colors. Don’t dress like a rock star unless you’re in a band. If you want to be flashy, a simpler but stylish look would be sporting a black striped dress shirt with a white blazer, a dark pair of jeans, a dressy belt, and your sharpest dress shoes. You could also add a flashy watch or a simple accessory like an interesting necklace, but nothing more.
3. Change the way you see casual – casual doesn’t have to be boring. Have fun with collared shirts, or take some inspiration from those who approach casual a bit differently.
4. Pay attention to your supporting pieces - Some sweaters are lean and others are big and chunky. The first rule of thumb is that your top and bottom halves need to match. If you’re wearing a big, chunky, rugged fisherman knit sweater, your bottom needs to be rugged, too. Don’t wear a fisherman’s sweater with a beautiful silk-and-wool suit pant. Instead, wear it with something as casual as cargos or jeans, or dress it up with a Harris tweed blazer.
5. Never go shopping alone – Most of the time, it’s tough to trust the sales people because they usually work for commission. Shop with DoJan Clique Collection.
6. Stay a notch above – Don’t overdo it to a fault, but dare to take some risks. It’s always better to be a little bit overdressed than underdressed in any setting. All you have to do is think about where and who you’re going to be with and just step it up one notch. But make sure you’re not better dressed than someone who is more important in a certain setting, like your boss.
7. Never underestimate the power of details – The last thing on is usually the first thing noticed. So mind the details instead of throwing together the main parts of your outfit. “Details” can include a scarf, a subtle pocket square, or the way you tie your tie knot.
8. Invest in a superb pair of shoes – If it’s one thing that women will notice, it’s your shoes. Especially how clean and sharp they look. It’s easy to wash and press the rest of your clothes to keep them looking new, but most guys disregard their shoes. Show that you’re a man of taste by getting a great pair of shoes and keeping them in pristine condition.
9. Fashion Tees with logos – When you’re going around with a big logo on your shirt, you risk looking like a walking billboard. Lose the lame Coca-Cola shirt and go for a classic v-neck tee or something artsy or polo shirts.
10. Disregard trends – Beware of buying something just because it’s “in” right now – stick to what you truly like. A lot of people rush to get in on the latest trend and end up with a bunch of clothes they don’t wear. It’s better to learn to build a versatile and timeless wardrobe first – then bring in your own twists with some of the new fashion. This one tip will save you so much money!
11. Experiment with style – The only way you’ll really learn, is if you go out there and try new things. I make an effort to try something completely out of my comfort zone whenever I’m at a store – many times you’ll end up loving something you never thought you would. If you make mistakes, life goes on. So many guys are afraid to express themselves through their style, don’t be one of them.

We pride ourselves in making it in a very comprehensive market by making use of resources available and

Offering services at affordable prices to bridge the gap of our competitors. Also, maintain credit worthy customers who pay us per their respective personal budgets. Above all I release this business to the mighty hands of God. Welcome to our exclusive collection and like our page ‘DoJan Clique Collection’ we care for you.