The P. word, spoken in hush tones. Almost like an omen. Like a demon swimming in the wind. Sending chills down spines and sleep to distant lands. Every woman knows the weight it brings, the anguish, the emotion. Sometimes the uttermost shock, disbelief. You begin to over-analyse the situation. You begin to wonder why you had not been careful. You are lost for words. You look at yourself with the accusing eyes of society. What would your mother say? How will all those who hold you in high regard feel? How will you strike a balance between your career and an untimely baby? Would you even have the patience to endure the long sleepless nights? The P. word drives you into a disarray of emotion, almost blowing the hair off your head. A river of tears away desperately beneath your tear glands, threatening to tear you apart. You wish time was a machine that you could rewind, re-run, record.
Other times it brings innermost joy, desire and love for a being we are yet to see. Women often wonder how their baby will look like. We can almost see the tiny noses and cute lips. And so women search endlessly for that elusive red dot. Check and recheck, recounting dates and times. Knowing well enough that life may never be the same again. Endless prayers to a deity so high. Reminding him of the numerous times we had been good girls. Those who are caught unaware by a looming untimely baby beg for forgiveness. Cry for salvation.
Truth be told, the P. word brings an avalanche of emotion skirting high speed downhill toward the very core of women. Whether it be a simple scare of a proven fact. You never really know how the responsible other will react. It is a well-known fact that men worldwide shake like leaves at the mere clatter of the P. word. You never know if the man responsible will decide to pull the plug from your emotionally frail self. Will they pull the carpet of lovey dovey feelings from under your feet? In the eyes of society it is always a woman's fault. It is always assumed that the woman should have taken protective measures. Especially if the P. word unexpectedly arrives before the M. word. Many tremble so much so that they miss the spot on the testing stick. Most choose to wallow in denial, at times seeing one pink line instead of two. Some stories are told of those who rush to test in Eco toilets. Unable to contain the anxiety, seeking answers only God knows consequences to. The mere whisper to the chemist while purchasing home test kits sends chills down our spines. It is almost like we so badly crave to know, and yet at the same time we would rather not.
No man will ever know the conflict of emotion that rushes through us. Some would never even give a damn. Yet they wonder why women are more scared of the P. word than any other. Not once do they acknowledge, that out there, in the wilderness of the world, stand millions of men who wait to be called, soothed, requested to join the party of responsibility long after things have gone wrong, long after women have endured screams of restless babies and changed thousands of diapers. Never do they realise, that all a woman needs at that very moment, engulfed in the scare and the uncertain of her next step in life, is a hug and a word of comfort to smooth away the rough edges of a hazy tomorrow. Every single day, there is a woman scarred to death by the scare of pregnancy. Not knowing what to do, or who to turn to. Not knowing if her career will hit a stumbling block. Immersed in anxious moments. The ink in my pen today flows for all the women who at one point in life, have been engulfed by the discomfort of a pregnancy scare. Your intrinsic strength is beyond measure. You are never alone, not even while caught in the frightening moments of an unusually delayed menstrual cycle.
Written by Maureen