FROM THE CRACKS OF A BROKEN HEART

Nothing can stop the tears from falling like the torrential rains they fall onto your palms, they soak your clothes, they create fog in your heart. You go through a confusion of emotions. You do not know where to turn. Your love was so sweet and spicy when it had just begun. You remember the days when you could not go a day without speaking to him. You keep relieving moments in your mind, trying to figure out where it all went wrong. Your heart is ripped into tiny red ribbons. Insomnia echoes through your soul, relentless in its resolve to tear you apart. You toss and turn. You experience a total eclipse of a heart that has been trodden upon so many times it would take a lifetime to piece even half of it back together. The star of lovey dovey feelings slowly diminishes into the distance. It turns into a ball of dust and becomes one with the air. You ask yourself whether what he felt for you was love in the first place. You are deeply yearning for answers you cannot find simply because, typical of most Kenyan men, he left you as if it never existed. He did not have the decency to break it off in person, he simply vanished into thin air. He simply got rid of you from his list of friends from the social networks, stopped sending texts or calling as if he never knew you.

Most women go through such moments in life. Suddenly you are left with broken pieces and unexplained feelings. You do not know where and how to begin piecing it all back together. You cry, and curse, and hate, and when you are done with all that, you fall in love with him that hurt you some more. Most women phone in the middle of the night begging the men to take them back. This is only natural because women love way too much. We get both feet in deep not caring if the path we have taken leads to the dungeons.

The one thing I have learnt over the years about heartbreak is that you need to cry it out, you need to grieve the end of such a beautiful friendship or whatever. However, there comes a time when you need to get back on your feet, because often when you have fallen so hard and you are caught between a wall and a hard place, the only way to survive is to get back up. You may never really get answers to all your questions. Men often think that the best way to break off a relationship is by going silent. They never understand that women need answers, and explanations. I have learnt in this life that the best way to get over a man is to forgive yourself for having entrusted him with so much love and respect. I have learnt that heart aches only provide leverage for us to grow stronger. You will hurt, yes, there is no doubt about that. You will miss him so much and wonder how you will go through the night without his arms around you. Nevertheless, there comes a time when the pain will become just a dull reminder of a person you once knew. As you work through your tears and the regrets, you will need to indulge in things that will raise your self-esteem. You may be tempted to sleep throughout such days or even to forget the luxury of a shower, but it always pays to dress up nicely, revamp your hairstyle, cover the puffy eyes with some make up and just get out there and let live.

You have to remember that you had a life before you let him into your life. Trust me there will be years in future when you shall look back at your failed relationship and wonder what you ever saw in your ex. For sure as day, better relationships have a way of popping up just as you have given up on love and resigned yourself to a lonely life. Better people will come your way if the scent that you emit is self-confidence and love. Do not let the stench of loneliness and heart ache destroy your future. Remember that something as beautiful as poetry spills even from the cracks of that broken heart. Take your pride. Embrace your dignity. Hold your head up high and never let that man bring you down. After all, it will be his loss. Who knows? He might be the one begging with his knees on the gravel for you to let him back into your life someday. Recovering from a break up can be heart wrenching. So much pain, dreams shattered, souls tainted, damaged, broken. However, if the women who went before us have gone through that and come out victorious, who are we to defy the strength we possess? You too, can stare the cracks of a broken heart in the face and still afford a smile.

Written by Maureen Songa