He's in it for one thing...We've all been there; Sleeping
with a seemingly great guy whose motives we can't figure out. We are given
mixed signals or no signals at all. Something in us makes us wonder if he’s in
it just for sex. You two speak one
language. Sex. And that's it. He just wants to speak about how you like 'it'.
You have no clue where his parents live, if he has a middle name, what he
wanted to be when he grew up, the food that makes him gag.
There is a lot of moaning and groaning but there is no
chatter about work, family, friends, triumphs, etc. You have presented yourself
as a sexual showpiece and will be treated that way. You are in it because he
didn't say straight up that he doesn't want a girlfriend and he didn't say he
wants to have casual fun so you are wrapped up in insecurity and totally ignore
your trusty guts.
- He meets you on week days; because his
weekends are reserved for A-listeners and new opportunities.
- He calls, texts, emails and pops-over only
when he is feeling frisky
because he knows you will indulge his desires.
- “Dates” are only cozy nights in; no invitation to
anything ¨ that’s because that is the easiest place to, you guessed it
right...have sex.
- He reaches out to you after hours, when the day is
done and coos sweetly on the other end of the phone ¨ because he KNOWS you will satisfy his sexual
cravings for the evening.
- He's pushing for sex before you are ready or comfortable
because it’s obviously on his mind more than getting to know you and
dating.
- He uses a clever and sophisticated approach to sex to make it hard for you to decipher his intentions merely because he doesn't want to deliver news you don't want to hear.
My friend Kevin* in his early
thirties confides that he intends to end a four-month 'relationship' with a
woman who initially came round to measure his windows for new curtains. He
tells me, 'We have nothing to talk about, 'No common ground'. 'Just very good sex' - and I'll miss that'. I
wonder when he intends to inform her that her services are no longer required.
Sounds reasonable, because even very good sex with someone with whom you cannot
communicate sounds like stretching it a bit.
It’s a crazy generation. Going out with lots of women;
others want a passionate engagement with one woman. There is no one pattern.
It's a fantastically fluid situation.
And of the one night stands - I witnessed a direct
pick-up recently. A lady I've known for a while sits pretty at the pub counter,
close to a table I sat at with friends. We wave and drink away. A gorgeous man
in his late thirties glides up to her, as if on casters. By end of evening, he has charmed her with
enviable speed and efficiency and swiftly steers her into a taxi. The following
morning I conjure up some creaky excuse to call her. 'I feel used,' she
complained. 'He didn't even ask for my phone number', she finishes. From where
I was standing it sounded ideal; convenient sex with no 'I'll call you' and subsequent
call-screening endeavours. That's the 'new opportunity' point I mentioned. The
tales are endless. Bottom line;
Come to the
table at the very beginning with more than just the ability to blow him away in
the bedroom. Blow away his mind too and that way he'll consider you
relationship worthy. You don't have to play like a virgin; you just need to
offer more than T&A. Good Luck.
Written by Ricalda Makena
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