It is true, when you hit around 12 years as a young female, you slowly start to lose that strong sense of self that peaked at around age 9, this according to a survey. It happened to me as well, growing up. I knew who I was. I was strong. I had a mind of my own and I never once doubted myself-not that I have any memories to prove otherwise. I was intelligent, creative and brave. The world really was my oyster. And more to that everyone loved me. And I knew I was beautiful without it being confirmed to be by anyone.
So how and why did it all start going downhill-this unshakable strength that I had? All I remember was becoming surprisingly insecure over things I thought I had control of before, my body, my smarts, and my personality. It’s like the world I had before teenage hood was slowly crumbling before my eyes and I was sure would inevitably lose control of everything. High school was easier for the sole reason that I was not a loner anymore. It eased the confusion and awkwardness somewhat. Because I met other awkward loners and was thus saved from being so self-aware.
But after high school, college years brought the dark side in. I got wilder, not because I was restricted before, but just because I felt like getting out of my head, falling in love and slacking off. And all this I did, later coming out of it bruised, not really nostalgic for those college years. Now in the real world, growth has been slow but tremendous. And this so called independence thrust upon my shoulders has forced me to take a long hard look at myself. This in my mid-twenties feels more like a mid-life crisis.
So I explain my sort of point of view for anyone who feels sort of confused like me. Out of University, starting out at new careers, nearing the time to settle down. There is a lot out there for teens or married folks, but what about us, the in betweens?
Written by Freddy Njeri
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