I have never thought myself as a violent person. In the past, I have had major anger issues and today, even though most of my anger has dissipated, I still battle with the shadows of anger. Lately, I realized how easy it is for people like me, who deal with anger, to resort to violence in their relationship to pass a point across. Certainly, there is no justification for violence. We all feel anger, but how do we ensure that anger doesn’t boil over to violence?
What happens before you become violent? What irks you and pushes you to want to hit or become aggressive towards your partner? Identify those things that cause you to be so angry that you feel violence is the best way to communicating your point. When you are in an argument with your partner, you will be able to consciously control your reaction. Being conscious is about being aware of reactions. Violence usually occurs when we are unaware of our response to a situation.
When you are in an argument with your partner and you feel the urge to strike at him building up, just shut up. Keeping quiet can have a calming effect and can give you some clarity before you take to violence. Again, you have to be conscious to feel the emotions of anger, resentment, and fear building up in you. When you feel these things, get yourself to shut up.
If the argument you are in with your partner does not seem to head anywhere amicable, you best bet is to walk away from that situation. Walking away allows you to take some time out to cool off and gain clarity. Walking away allows both of you enough time to think about the situation you are faced with.
I am learning that anger can get in the way of your happiness. However, you can take small, conscious and deliberate steps to manage it so it does not affect your relationships negatively.
Written by Donna Moses
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