Friday, May 24, 2013

THE OTHER WOMAN: Monster Or An Obsessed Misconception About Love?

It is with absolute certainty that most of us have come across those who would otherwise be known as “the other women.” These are the women who make the third in a relationship that belongs to two. These are the women who are alleged to have broken homes, brought tears and shame to many. Some of them claim to have done so unknowingly. Some are monsters that just do not care. Some love to make prey. They love attacking and watching their victims bleed to death. So even as the “Mpango wa kando” advert has garnered a lot of discussion on the morality state of our society, the main question really is “Is the other woman a monster, or is she an obsessed misconception about love.” What is it that makes another woman fall for a married man? What is it that makes a woman get into a relationship with a man who already has a family? There is certainly a new crop of women sprouting up in this country. They go for the men who already have families to take care of claiming that these men are responsible. If only they knew.

The truth is that no man ever totally leaves a family he worked so hard for. At some points in life they always crawl back to the one who loved them when they had nothing in their wallets. At some point the “mpango wa kando” simply over stays her welcome and assumes the exact meaning of her name. There are those who get obsessed enough to track out their so called enemies. There are those who get into fist fights, fighting for that which they did not even have in the very beginning. There are those who resort to suicide once they confirm that they were simply fresh faces to be used and dumped. There are those who claim to have fallen so helplessly in love and they would rather die than live without another woman's husband. Well, as much as not all women who agree to be mpango wa kando are not monsters, the vice is simply wrong. If you claim that you did not know about the man's wife or girlfriend in the beginning, then as soon as you find out, you should make your exit. You shouldn't stick around and try to extend your minutes of fame. You should love yourself enough to say no coming in as second best. I often wonder why women attack each other over a man who might end up leaving both of you. Why fight another woman when she wasn't the one in a relationship with you. Why do we let the men walk of so easily?

There are however other women who resort to behaving like monsters. I must say that in my life I have met two. Most of us do not really know what true love is. If you think that you need to steal another's man to be happy in life then you do not love yourself enough, you do not value yourself. If you think that mpango ya kando do not affect the other family as long as the man is still taking care of them then you have the biggest misconception about love. No child should ever have to scramble for the attention of his father simply because he is somewhere giving attention to his much younger girlfriend. No woman should ever have to suffer and listen to abuses hurled at her by the other woman. For sure no woman should ever have to raise a child that her husband got from infidelity. No matter what everybody thinks, being the other woman is a misconception about love. It eats at you no matter how much you pretend. It destroys families, it gnaws and chews the love that once was and turns into bile and hatred. It makes some children go without their fathers. It builds resentment. If you are the other woman and you still claim that you are in love, then you have surely never felt real love. Period.

Written by Maureen Songa

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