Saturday, May 4, 2013


He's in it for one thing...We've all been there; Sleeping with a seemingly great guy whose motives we can't figure out. We are given mixed signals or no signals at all. Something in us makes us wonder if he’s in it just for sex.  You two speak one language. Sex. And that's it. He just wants to speak about how you like 'it'. You have no clue where his parents live, if he has a middle name, what he wanted to be when he grew up, the food that makes him gag.
There is a lot of moaning and groaning but there is no chatter about work, family, friends, triumphs, etc. You have presented yourself as a sexual showpiece and will be treated that way. You are in it because he didn't say straight up that he doesn't want a girlfriend and he didn't say he wants to have casual fun so you are wrapped up in insecurity and totally ignore your trusty guts.

  • He meets you on week days; because his weekends are reserved for A-listeners and new opportunities.
  • He calls, texts, emails and pops-over only when he is feeling frisky because he knows you will indulge his desires.
  • “Dates” are only cozy nights in; no invitation to anything ¨ that’s because that is the easiest place to, you guessed it right...have sex.
  • He reaches out to you after hours, when the day is done and coos sweetly on the other end of the phone ¨ because  he KNOWS you will satisfy his sexual cravings for the evening.
  • He's pushing for sex before you are ready or comfortable because it’s obviously on his mind more than getting to know you and dating.
  • He uses a clever and sophisticated approach to sex to make it hard for you to decipher his intentions merely because he doesn't want to deliver news you don't want to hear.
My friend Kevin* in his early thirties confides that he intends to end a four-month 'relationship' with a woman who initially came round to measure his windows for new curtains. He tells me, 'We have nothing to talk about, 'No common ground'.  'Just very good sex' - and I'll miss that'. I wonder when he intends to inform her that her services are no longer required. Sounds reasonable, because even very good sex with someone with whom you cannot communicate sounds like stretching it a bit.
It’s a crazy generation. Going out with lots of women; others want a passionate engagement with one woman. There is no one pattern. It's a fantastically fluid situation.
And of the one night stands - I witnessed a direct pick-up recently. A lady I've known for a while sits pretty at the pub counter, close to a table I sat at with friends. We wave and drink away. A gorgeous man in his late thirties glides up to her, as if on casters.  By end of evening, he has charmed her with enviable speed and efficiency and swiftly steers her into a taxi. The following morning I conjure up some creaky excuse to call her. 'I feel used,' she complained. 'He didn't even ask for my phone number', she finishes. From where I was standing it sounded ideal; convenient sex with no 'I'll call you' and subsequent call-screening endeavours. That's the 'new opportunity' point I mentioned. The tales are endless. Bottom line;
Come to the table at the very beginning with more than just the ability to blow him away in the bedroom. Blow away his mind too and that way he'll consider you relationship worthy. You don't have to play like a virgin; you just need to offer more than T&A. Good Luck.
Written by Ricalda Makena 

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