DEALING WITH DOWNERS

There are millions of haters in the world; I would say probably 4 out 5 of your close friends are naysayers.  I may not have legitimate statistics to back my findings but if you took the time to think about it you’d realize just how true it is. But why is it so easy for us humans to be off-putting? Is it a protective measure for the human species to mostly see the worst in each other? Or is it a way of projecting our insecurities onto others so they do not seem so bad when we look at ourselves?

I do have a friend who made a vow in her teenage years to never back talk anyone, especially not a woman. She realized how hard enough it was for women in her life without bringing them down in front of other women or even worse, men. I have learnt a lot from her. On the other hand it still is a struggle for me as an adult to resist b**tching about a woman who has done me wrong. It is a small victory and a sort of sugar rush to make another person feel less. Yes I admitted that, that I derive great pleasure from putting someone down. But eventually like everything that is not healthy for you, this negativity affects you adversely in the long run.

So how does one prevent negativity both inside themselves and in their external surroundings from disrupting their spiritual and mental well being? How does one let go of having the crutch of negativity rule their life? Though it may be easier, and quite honestly lazier, to be a pessimist and to let pessimists rule our world, the easy path is never the best or the most rewarding. It’s about time in a world full of apathetic cynics, for the few optimists to start taking a stand. That’s right, no matter how corny it sounds to rise up in song to the tune of: I will only have good things to say and good people to hang around. If you are not up to that mantra just yet, you can begin by following the guidelines below:

1)      If you do face a negative situation form your workmates, friends and loved ones, let it be. Yes, wallow in it. Feel sorry for yourself. Get mad. Let it out. But for just a while, no longer than a day and night. Wake up the next day and move on, knowing in the least you were true about your feelings regarding the negative situation.

2)     Next, replace the negative with the absolutely positive. Actually go out of your way to see the silver lining in that cloud. Even if it means faking it. Remind yourself just how wonderful you are despite being too hard on yourself or receiving criticism from someone else.

3)     Thirdly, focus not on the downbeat side but on the things you actually want to improve in your life. Things that have absolutely nothing to do with that negative issue. Dust that dirt off your shoulder and place your mind on other things in life.

4)     Do not take it personal. This you may think applies if the negativity comes from external forces but it is also important to not take it personal if your own mind comes up with negative thoughts. Let them pass, do not judge them and most importantly do not believe that they are what you are. They are only thoughts, they do not define you but over time if you do not reign in those negative thoughts, you will start to believe them.

5)     Remember that life is a cycle of yin and yang. Opposite poles that make the world go round. The good times would not be recognized as being so good, if we did not first accept, and yes appreciate, the bad times for what they are. Our focus is what matters. So choose to focus on the healthy things that make you grow as a person.

Written by Freddy Njeri